Five things to ponder if you are considering ending your marriage or relationship

If you are in an unhappy relationship you probably feel overwhelmed, distraught, guilty, angry, scared or a combination of these. You don’t know what to do, whether you should stay and try to fix it or get out and start over. You might be asking your friends and relatives what you should do in a desperate attempt to feel better. The truth is, only you can make that decision and you probably already know the answer in your heart. Here are a few things to ponder that might help you make your decision.

1. What does your intuition say? You know what you need to do, your intuition has the answer. Intuition is the deep sense of knowing that you have in your heart. Sometimes you are not sure if it is fear or intuition that you are feeling. The difference is that fear causes a feeling of constriction or restriction in your body. Intuition on the other hand, may feel fearful in a way but your body will feel expansive. Ask for guidance and God will give you the answer in the form of intuition. A few years back I was in an unhealthy relationship. I really wanted it to work but I knew deep down that it was wrong for me. I could feel knots and constriction in the pit of my stomach as I tried to rationalize how I was right in continuing in the relationship but I knew in my heart it wasn’t right for me. When I ended the relationship and moved on, the tightness in my stomach was immediately gone. My intuition was right in letting the relationship go.

2. Can you be your best self? Ask yourself “can I be my best self in this relationship or am I compromising myself for the sake of the relationship?” Do you find yourself making excuses and hiding the truth from friends and family about your relationship? If you are compromising yourself for the sake of a relationship, you are not completely loving and respecting yourself and the relationship is toxic and not in your best interests.

3. It is not your job to fix others. Are you staying in your relationship because you don’t want to make the other person unhappy or hurt them? Are you staying to take care of the other person’s issues? It is never your job to fix someone else. We each as individuals are 100% responsible for our own lives and happiness. You cannot make someone else happy. Happiness comes from within and we are each responsible for our own happiness. You are not required to sacrifice your own happiness for someone else. You are responsible for your own happiness only and if leaving the relationship will make you happier do it. Likewise, you cannot fix or take care of other’s problems. We were created on this earth to learn and grow as human beings. If you are always fixing the problems for your significant other you are denying them the learning experience life has to offer. They will never be able to grow from the challenges that are given them in life and are doing them a dis-service.

4. Do you have religious fear? Many people stay in toxic relationships because of religious beliefs. If you are doing that I would invite you to consider a few things. First, spirituality and your individual connection to God is very different from religion. God is love and you have a direct connection to him. Religion is based in fear and was created by humans and all of the rules and beliefs of your chosen religion were interpreted and dictated by humans. I do not subscribe to a particular religion but I do believe God created us to learn and grow to live our best life and to shine our light for others. Most Christian religions believe it is a sin to divorce but they forget that their religion also believes that Jesus died so we can be forgiven of our sins/mistakes. If your marriage is toxic it was a mistake, why would you continue in it and continue to punish yourself? I was raised in a Christian, cult religion that taught divorce was wrong and was highly based in fear. In my early 20s I was married to a man who was violently abusive but I was afraid to leave because of those religious teachings. I did finally leave and if I would have stayed any longer I would have been killed. I know I was not created for that and in no way was staying in a violent and abusive relationship shining an example for anyone.

5. Are you being authentic or playing a role? Are you happy and fulfilled or are you playing a role that you believe should make you happy and fulfilled? We have all have beliefs that have been taught to us by our parents, teachers, religious leaders and society as to how life should be. Many times these beliefs are not true or don’t fit you. If you find you are just playing a role that society has dictated should make you happy and fulfilled, I would invite you to dig deep into yourself and see what truly makes you happy and fulfilled and purse that.

You were created on this earth for a purpose and you have value and worth. Relationship issues can give you a deep look into your inner beliefs and feelings and can therefore be a great catalyst for healing and change to live your best life.

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